Poly-Blog

Poly Discussion Grop

2006-12-14T16:04:00.000-08:00

Just to let you know that Poly discussion group meetings have been set up as follows:

Wednesday 10th January 2007
Wednesday 14th February 2007
Wednesday 14th March 2007
Wednesday 11th April 2007

We meet at BAR Wotever, Central Station 37 Wharfdale Road, London, N1
http://img73.imageshack.us/my.php?image=x2122y732s10w700h4006zo.gif

Meet on the first floor, from 6:30pm onwards, discussions to start at 7:00

Do bring food to eat as they do not serve any but are OK about us bringing our own

We will also keep an eye out for swaping to Tuesdays, should the room become available. We discussed rotating the facilitation of each meeting. Therefore, if you are interested in facilitating a future meeting, please do let me know.

chickpea65@gmail.com

Jealousy and ways of dealing with it...

2006-10-17T08:28:00.000-07:00

This is something I have been dealing with over the past couple of months, both mine and others.
One thing I have learnt from the meetups and from talking to others is that you can't just wish it away, or pretend you don't feel it or that somehow it is "wrong" to feel it. I came across this piece of writing when searching for poly and jealousy.
It really helped me define those feelings I was experiencing, and see it for what it was.

http://www.planetwaves.net/jealousy.html

It is written by William Pennel Rock, and was initially published in the Journal of Humanistic Psychology, 1983.

2006-09-27T13:43:00.000-07:00

The following quote is taken from the Gingerbeer website, It is not specifically about polyamory, but is about threesomes, however, a lot of the sentiments are the same.

Everybody understands love in a different way. If I love somebody very much I want them to be free and happy, I want them to be themselves in their full potential and if that means for her going for whatever turns her on, flirting or enjoying new sexual experiences, who would be more happy with her happiness than me that I love her so much?!!! Of course I do feel jelous as well, as all my fears and insecurities will come up and I have to deal with them like every real thing that happens in life. I wouldnt allow myself to stop somebody - espessially somebody that I love - from enjoying life the way they want to, just to avoid feeling insecure (which I dont think we can avoid anyway) we share the ones we love with lots of people that they love and have in their lives apart from us anyway (family , friends etc) love for me is not exclusive. Whatever special I share with her is because of what we feel for each otherit doesnt make it less because she has other people in her life one of my favourite quotes (from my favourite writer) is: "to love somebody means to make somebody glorious" whatever that takes does that make sense?

Originally posted on Gingerbeer by "ButterflyBlue". Re-posted here with permission.

October Poly Meet

2006-09-12T17:10:00.000-07:00

The next Poly meet is to be held as follows:

Wednesday 11th October 2006
BAR Wotever, Central Station 37 Wharfdale Road, London, N1
(Map )
Meet on the first floor, from 6:30pm onwards, discussions to start at 7:00

Do bring food to eat as they do not serve any but are OK about us bringing our own.

Hope to see you there.

Women's Poly Meet - when and where?

2006-09-06T01:34:00.000-07:00

Bar Wotever now has another booking for Tuesday evenings, so we will need to find an alternative location/day.

Please visit this Gingerbeer thread to vote in the poll or give your views as to when/where.

Links added to blog

2006-08-17T14:47:00.000-07:00

These links have been added to the sidebar:

USA Polyamory Site
UK Polyamory Site
USA Polyamory Society
USA Love More site
Book Reviews
Poly Families
Poly Resources: Books, films, songs, etc

UK Poly Day 14th October 2006

2006-07-28T00:12:00.000-07:00

UK Polyday www.polyday.org.uk

A one-day event for everyone who knows that happy and honest relationships don't have to be monogamous. Polyday combines a day of discussions and an evening of dancing to give you a chance to meet other polyamorous people, to build our community and to experience its diversity

When: Saturday 14 October 2006, from 10:30am. Discussion sessions will run until 6:45pm, with a disco in the evening from 8pm to midnight.

Our own Chickpea65 will be co-facillitating a workshop on Poly Activism.

Where: Doggett's Coat and Badge, a large pub at the southern end of Blackfriars Bridge, London SE1 9UD

Nearest Tube: Blackfriars

How much: 10 pounds for waged people and 5 pounds for unwaged. There are no advance bookings; simply turn up and pay on the day.

For more information, contact: info@polyday.org.uk

New Scientist article and podcast on polyamory

2006-07-08T03:52:00.000-07:00

See "Love unlimited: The polyamorists" in the 8 July 2006 edition of New Scientist. Billed as the "Top Story" no less, though the online version of the article only has the first few paras if you're a non-subscriber. There is (thanks to Jed for pointing it out) a full podcast, though it's not identical to the printed article.

The article looks at polyamory from a psychological and biological (evolutionary) viewpoint.

The family featured in it is straight (3 women 2 men 1 kid & another on the way), but still... They mention the Ethical Slut as the "bible of poly" and include a brief Q&A with Dossie Easton. There's a new edition of the book coming out by the way, which might explain why people have had trouble buying a copy lately.

The article is mostly positive, reporting studies that poly couples stay together as long as mono ones, and for reasons of love or connection rather than (for mono couples) mainly because of religion or family. It also mentions the realism aspect: "Instead of asking one person to meet all their needs, polyamorists are content with several people who each meet a few." Plus "Infidelity in monogamous relationships is estimated at 60 to 70 per cent, so it seems that attraction to more than one person is normal. The question is how we deal with that..." and "The evidence is overwhelming that monogamy isn't natural," says evolutionary biologist David Barash of the University of Washington, Seattle. "Lots of people believe that once they find 'the one', they'll never want anyone else. Then they're blindsided by their own inclinations to desire other attractive individuals. So it's useful to know that this behaviour is natural."

But it mentions some questionmarks from an evolutionary viewpoint: "...as a mating strategy poly may not be any better than monogamy... A good look at human biology does not support polyamory any more than it supports monogamy..." and even, from Joan Roughgarden of all people, "Polyamory won't last. The likelihood of being able to successfully raise children in that context is very limited. My guess is that it's not an evolutionary advance, but a liability."

Overall though, the article is a positive one, and it's good to know that polyamoury is receiving some attention in the mainstream press. It remains to be seen whether it's being thought of as just the latest fleeting fad.

What is polyamory or polyamoury?

2006-07-08T03:11:00.000-07:00

A good starting point suggested by Chickpea65 is the Wikipedia article.

From Cyan:

Good FAQs

A really useful intro to Poly MYTHS.

Don't skip the How To Be A Secure Person section. As a matter of fact, the whole Xeromag site is very good. So is Polycat.